


i found peace in your violence

by agoraphobe



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Arson, Arsonist Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Attempt at Humor, Canon Related, Dream is trying his best, Fear, Feelings, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mentioned GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Song Lyrics, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28461633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoraphobe/pseuds/agoraphobe
Summary: autophobia, the fear of being alone or lonely.athazagoraphobia, the fear of being forgotten, ignored, or abandoned.“You could kill me and I’d say thank you!”
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 101





	i found peace in your violence

**Author's Note:**

> title is from “Silence” by Marshmello and Khalid- this is also the song that inspired this oneshot! 
> 
> hello! this is a sapnap fanfic i wrote about my own fears. i’m sorry if this is bad, i wrote this at 3 am! enjoy!

_autophobia_ , the fear of being alone or lonely.  
 _athazagoraphobia_ , the fear of being forgotten, ignored, or abandoned.  
 _hellenologophobia_ , the fear of greek terminology. 

Ask a very pretty little arsonist like Sapnap which irrational phobia he has, and the half-greek man would tell you, it sure as hell isn’t the last one. The first one, he doesn’t exactly know he has it because he’s never been alone. Sapnap has so many friends, so many in fact, he doesn’t even know how many he had! Has. How many he _has_. 

Another phobia the arsonist totally does NOT have is _thanatophobia_ , fear of dying. He's died so many times it’s not even funny anymore. He's died to fires, at the hands of his friends, and at the hand of almost all his enemy’s. Of course not _dead_ died, the expression! 

Upon looking up his biggest fears, Sapnap realized his biggest fear was starting to come true. He was being ignored and in turn, abandoned by his best friends. George and Dream had left him. George had left for Alex Quackity and Karl Jacobs. Dream had left him for his own gain. 

He remembered texting Tommy, one of his prior enemy’s that tried to kill him many times before. looking back, he didn’t mean for it to be sad, it’s just… after so long of being ignored and played, he didn’t know anymore. 

_your best friend is going to exile you_   
_i would be so sad_   
_if dream did that to me_

So, after being metaphorically exiled from his best friend's mind, he did what Sapnap does best. 

“No sap! Go away!” 

“I just want to pet Squeaks. Let me pet the fox and I won't kill him.” The boy he was speaking to shook his head and called for Dream. And of course, like Batman, the green bastard jumped out of nowhere, healing the fox with whatever creative substance he made up, completely ignoring any idea of a reason this could have happened. 

“Sapnap what the hell are you doing! You don’t need to murder every single fox within a five mile radius!” his kinda-friend Fundy yelled. Of course Fundy would yell, the Furry man was a fox! 

“Fine,” he snapped. “I won't kill a fox.”

If there is one thing Sapnap is sure of, it’s that he definitely does not have _Pyrophobia_. I mean, he just set his own house on fire and burnt every last square inch to the ground. 

The bright orange and yellow fire burned greatly, they had a beautiful contrast to the blue at the base of the flame. Sapnap’s hands were warm, and covered in ash, how one would usually see them honestly. Instead of running like he normally did after causing mayhem, he sat in front of the flame. It nearly consumed him. 

The silence was almost deafening. Of course there was the crackle of the flame, the sounds of birds chirping, and even the occasional scream of laughter, but the lack of a voice was starting to terrify him. 

Before, Sapnap would find himself being at one with the silence. He would embrace the cold, dreaded feeling and find warmth and answers beneath it.

Perhaps he’d been in silence for too long, because he didn’t see how the flame had erupted bigger, an explosion sounded, and soon the ground at his feet went up in smoke. He felt like he was in an enclosed space, trying to claw his way free. The smoke blinded his vision. He felt himself screaming, for Dream, for George, anyone who would come and be his own savior. 

‘ It’s called _sedatephobia_ dumbass ’ his mind screamed at him. ‘ The fear you’re experiencing. You’re not going to die, six feet to your left. ’

He walked the six feet and fell, he was underwater, the smoke and ash being washed from his open eyes. He wanted to scream more, but thought better of it. Once he emerged from the water, he saw people rushing to the still burning home, only now it wasn't a home. Now it was a pile of ashes, still scolding hot and breathing burning air. 

He saw Dream and George together, they were looking around. For what he didn’t know, honestly he didn’t care anymore. He climbed out of the pond of water and started walking the prime path alone. 

“Sap! What the hell happened?!” he heard Dream yell, and he turned back, ready to explode, but stopped himself. 

“What do you think happened, Idiot?! Love never gave me a home! Why the hell should I actually have one?” he screamed back. As he turned around again, he heard footsteps running behind him, probably Dream considering George doesn’t run. “What?” he said bitterly. 

“What the hell? ‘love never gave you a home?!’ What does that mean?” Dream inquired, trying to grab at the arsonist's shoulder, but the shorter one turned away. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” 

“You’re speaking is irrelevant to me at the moment. You left me, now you’re pretending to care? Ha- don’t flatter me,” he started walking faster, only to be pushed to the ground, a netherrite sword pushed against his jaw. “It’s okay… you can kill me. I’m not scared.” 

“Why?!” Dream yelled, “Why aren’t you scared? I could slit your throat, and everyone would say I was doing them a favor!” The brunet only laughed. 

“Please! Dream I have found nothing but peace in your violence! Do you not realize I set fires for the hell of it! Violence and threats don’t scare me!” His eyes turned glassy, but he stayed strong, “The only things that scare me you insured happened! You could kill me, and I'd thank you!” Dream brought his sword away and pulled Sapnap up albeit against his protest and whines. 

“Y-you found peace?” He didn’t sound at all like Sapnap thought he would. “You would… you would thank me?” 

“Yeah and I’m sure everyone else in this god forsaken land would too.” Dream stared at him quizzically. “Listen, either you stab me right here, right now… or I continue to cause chaos. I will continue to burn down your precious country. I'm so used to sharing, hell I might even take some of your minions with me!” He screamed. As his old friend stood there, he walked away and pulled out his match book. Still 14 matches left. 

As he walked down the path, he lit matches and threw them at random buildings, some unfinished; even in the quiet city of L’manberg, flames erupted. The crackling sound and warmth left him at peace with silence once again. 

As he walked down the primed path, the screams of his home followed him. They were so quiet, so far away, just like him. He was finally at one. 

The things that scared him the most were now his only companions. He's no longer the burden he always assumed he was, he’s no longer a savior, and he’s finally found something to call his own. 

When he walked up the tallest mountain, he could see it. the flames were screaming at him, the sky turned a dark hue, and the smell of burnt wood burned through the air. 

“Beautiful.” he muttered, turning around and walking away from his old life.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!!
> 
> sedatephobia is the fear of silence, pyrophobia is the fear of fire, and tharatophobia is the fear of dying/death.


End file.
